What February Taught Me

So we are 5 days into March, I think with recent circumstances and my mind literally all over the place I have decided to reflect on each Month for the next year, this way I can learn from what has happened.

February for me personally was tough. I am very angry about February and I am so totally happy it is over! March is a fresh new month, new beginnings and goodbye to the negative and certain people (not going to sugarcoat it because this is real life!) 2019 was meant to be THE year of happiness, I remember thinking in December and even saying it to Alex ‘2019 is going to be the most amazing year! It’s our year boo!’

2019 is still our year, we are still getting married obviously and I am moving in with him starting a new life in a place I have never been too and we will go on a honeymoon but February has put a bit of a grey cloud over all of that. Don’t get me wrong I am so totally excited for all of what’s to come but now I have a totally different attitude towards people and situations.

February has made me experience a new emotion, anger. I am very angry and I am looking and ways I can release that anger and come back to me, happy go lucky Emily. I have got my gorgeous friend Emily on board and we are searching for a boxing class. I have been loving meditation but February it did naff all for me – only so much breathing in and out you can do when you have the anger bubbling in your tummy like I do. I hate this feeling, I hate constantly having such negative thoughts, it makes me feel spaced out a lot of the time and sometimes it all feels so surreal.

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February was the month my Love came home and we spent 4 perfect days together. I went through so many different emotions in those 4 days, Alex is so patient. We couldn’t give notice for our wedding because I am changing my name before the wedding, I burst out crying in front of the Sefton Council lady like a numpty, he says all the right things to cheer me up and the tears turn into laughter. We also spent time with our family and loved ones, we got to enjoy an uncle’s 50th and to be surrounded with that much happiness just makes my heart full! We welcome our nephew Auben into the world and we got to have cuddles – oh my goodness I am SO broody! I got to organise my hen do with my bridesmaids and overall the rest of the month was just full of as much happiness as we could get

February, you taught me that regardless of all the hurt that feeling all this happiness at the same time I shouldn’t feel guilty about this. I do though, feel guilty, whenever I have a moment of happiness, I feel that I should be feeling upset about how things changed in February… but I am genuinely not upset about February. February is a blur of anger and happiness – what a strange mix!

So what am I going to take from February into March?
– I am going to learn to cope with my emotions better, I am going to put my emotions to good use, I want to try boxing. See if it helps with how I’m feeling and if not Find something else.
– I am going to make sure my mum is happy every single day. I already make sure this but I am going to make a more conscious effort to make sure wonder woman is the happiest ever.
– I want Alex to know every day that I love him and appreciate him so much, this guy has been so amazing the past month. Had to deal with me just ranting away all the time!
– My brother to have a happier March, we love going for breakfast together and talking about shit (like you do!) so I want to do more of this! Make sure he’s happy and smiling.
– I am not going to let any negative nancies or any inconsiderate folk effect me in any way, I will just shrug and walk away, I have had some comments like ‘ Why you changing your name for the wedding you’ll be changing it again soon’ It’s the principle of what happened during February and the thought of being my old surname on my wedding day doesn’t fulfill me with any happiness at all. Also, thank you to the people reassuring me with changing my name and making me excited for being a Siddle come July.
– Not to feel so Anxious about certain situations, some days I wake up calm and collective and one thing can trigger it and I end up in a ball of panic. I am enough, I need to realise this.

o overall, February has been full of anger, disappointment and upset. But we can’t let one month ruin the whole year. So March will be full of happiness, it’s Pancake day, Mothers Day and it’s going to be lighter evenings. It’s time to try different things and to embrace this new beginning.
I hope that you all have started your March brightly and that you continue to smile throughout the whole Month.