So, its exactly 161 days until I get married. Until I wore my dream dress that is my mum’s, the excitement is too much. Anyone who knows me and my mum we know the excitement to wear her dress was all too much, it meant SO much. It was tradition, it is still a tradition to wear your mums wedding dress.
This week, it all came crashing down. We received news that the man we called ‘Dad’ for 15+years wasn’t the man we thought at all. This was to change a lot of things in the wedding, *Deep Breath* this man will not be part of our lives ever again, he is a lying, cheating d*ckhead and we never want him to come near us again. Now why am i bothering to tell you all this? This is real life, my blog is real. Its not all sunshine and roses life, its hard work and people betray you and people hurt you! Unfortunately that’s the world we live in, this is something the 3 of us (me, my amazing brother and very VERY strong mum) are dealing with right now. Writing is my therapy, it gives me a piece of mind. Pretty certain gin can help at this time too!
There was no way this could be kept from my blog, imagine on my wedding day and the comments flying in saying ‘Oh you look truly amazing in your mums dress’ ‘ your mum should be so proud’ I would have crumbled, felt like a liar myself. That’s something I am not. I want the wedding to be full of positivity, new beginnings and happiness! No what if’s or your wedding would have been different. No. Simple as. The wedding will be like this for a reason, everything happens for a reason even if it’s hard to stomach.
So what is changing? My darling mummy will be giving me away (not gonna lie always wanted that anyway and I used to joke about it ha!) I will have a mum and daughter dance, I have changed my invites as it was very traditional with the ‘father’ and mum names inviting the guest (this has been difficult, I wanted everything so traditional and old fashioned), My dress and veil, the isle song I walk down too and the guest list being altered. At first I didn’t think it was that much, typing it down has reduced me to tears. I’m not sad, I am livid.
My main priority isn’t the wedding now, it’s making sure my mum is ok with this change. She is hands down THE strongest woman I know, I didn’t want to do a blog and I was playing round with ideas and she came up with all this idea. I think she knows how much this helps my mind, typing away and letting people read and realise what real life is like. You see instagrammers showing perfect lives, saying everything is peachy. THIS IS NOT REAL. I want to show you real, organising a wedding is stressful, I don’t agree with that. I believe it’s the people around you that make it hard. We’ve dealt with negative nancies through this whole wedding planning, trust me they are a walk in the park! I’m not upset I am shocked and angry so so angry!
I know one of the questions from you all will be how do you feel about changing your wedding dress. I am devastated. That dress was a dream, it was my mum’s dream dress, It would have meant so much. *tries not to get teary* Someones selfish actions have ruined this, i’ve written a text out 6 times to him. Deleted it every time. He may read this, he may not. I don’t care what he does, as far as we are concerned we are going to have such a wonderful life, we have a new addition in our family and Alex is amazing, he’s checked if my mums ok. He can relate and has been through something similar, his brother, sister-in-law and his sister have been incredible! I can’t thank you enough. Changing my dress may be so hard to do, but peoples actions and people surrounding us with love and consideration means 10x more. My brother, holey moley. I can’t describe to you how amazing he is! He’s younger than me, I can’t even type words to express how much I adore that boy. He’s the glue in this situation that’s holding us all together. I feel he deserved a little mention. He joked and said he’d already said to mum ‘ Watch Em blog about this now’ Ha ha ! Well here I am! With the approval totally of my mum.
So, My new dress will be picked next week. I don’t want to see this as a negative, I want to see this as a positive a way of washing away the lies and deceit. We are back to being that strong trio, the 3 musketeers. No one will ever EVER get rid of that bond. I have so much support, my mum and my brother have so much support, if you’ve messaged my mum over the past few days with support and advice then from the bottom of my heart thank you. Your words and actions mean so much, my brother and I are being strong for her, we are trying to help as much as we can.
Finally, my mum reads all my blogs so she will read this. Mum, I am and always will be so proud of you. You are so strong. We adore (we being me Jat and Alex obvs!) you! You are our hero, our wonder woman. This wedding will be amazing, we will organise it to be the best wedding. No negativity, no what ifs and most definitely no d*ckheads.
Love you lots, Em xoxo
Thank you for taking the time to read a blog, that is probably one of the hardest blogs i’ve ever had to write. Please continue to follow the dramatic journey we all call life!
Almost Grown Up 